LOL: For the older generation!

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 21:00 is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb."

Credits goes to the respective author

[Thank you, Marguerite!] 

The Art of dealing ...

A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them.

But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt & a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, u said u hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet u closed the deal for $75,000 to the young lady there. And if I remember right, u had insisted there was no discount for this model !"

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat & reached for a large glass of water.

"Well, what can I tell u? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, &, sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman walked over to the senior couple & gave the car keys to the old man.

"There u go," she said. "I told u I could get him to lower the price. See u later Dad, Happy Father's Day."

Once again ... Don't Mess with Seniors.

The art of dealing ...

A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them.

But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt & a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply: "Young man, u said u hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet u closed the deal for $75,000 to the young lady there. And if I remember correctly, u had insisted there was no discount for this model!"

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat & reached for a large glass of water.

"Well, what can I tell u? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman walked over to the senior couple & gave the car keys to the old man.

"There u go," she said. "I told u I could get him to lower the price. See u later, Dad, happy Father's Day."

Once again ... Don't mess with seniors.

[Thank you, Johann.]

Tong in die kies ...

Click HERE to enjoy some more wisdom.

What do you mean?

 

Some "alternative" and hilarious truths

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

[Thank you, Valerie for sharing]

Wrinkles mean you laughed ...

National let's laugh day ...

Each year, National Let’s Laugh Day on March 19th reminds us to add a little humour to our day. It’s never good to be serious all the time and letting the laughter bubble up from time to time is good for all of us!

We have all heard the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine.”  This is the day to take your medicine.

Some studies have shown that laughter may boost your immune system, relieve tension and help you relax.  Who does not need any of those things in our busy and hectic world?

Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can. ~ Elsa Maxwell

We don’t laugh because we’re happy — we’re happy because we laugh. ~ William James

As we all know, laughter can also be contagious.  Even faking it seems to have some benefits.  Classes called “laughter yoga” engage the abdominal muscles, lungs, arms and facial muscles while using humour to get us laughing to cure what ails us.

When you and a friend have those long bouts of uncontrolled laughter that end in tears and aching stomach muscles that last a good 10 minutes or longer, you burn between 10-40 calories per 10 minutes.  So, keep giving each other those don’t-look-at-me-or-I’ll-start-laughing-again looks and you’ll keep right on burning more laugh-healthy calories and you’ll enjoy a good memory, too!

Wrinkles mean you laughed ...

Laughter is timeless ...

At the end of the day ...